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#9.5 We be Shillin’ – Bar Stool Warts
https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/06/24/we-be-shillin
Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. June 24, 2015. August 3, 2016. 95 We be Shillin’. Episode 9.5: We be Shillin’. Stuart plonked his Guinness down and took his seat. It was a nice evening so they decided to sit outside. “Well this is all rather pleasant isn’t it! 8220;Yeah.” said Ben. “We were just saying that we need to get our arses out there and cunting well do something.”. 8220;Yeah, me, and that chap you’ve just sat on”. Alright, let’s see where this goes.”. 8220;So what’re you thinking of? 8220;How”...
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About – Bar Stool Warts
https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/about
Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. Established in April 2015, Bar Stool Warts is a place where pub conversations are recreated and exaggerated in order to clarify. Once a week our heroes Stuart and Ben (and sometimes Rhys) will gather in whatever corner of the pub is unoccupied and talk bollocks for a few hours. Stuart will then spend an hour or so later on in the week typing up that bollocks as a means to make our heroes seem wittier and more profound than they actually are. DISCLAIMER: All characters appearin...
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#11 Distraction – Bar Stool Warts
https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/07/24/distraction
Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. July 24, 2015. August 3, 2016. Ben plonked his pint of Guinness down and took his seat next to Stuart. “Hey man, how’s it going? It’s been awhile.”. 8220;Fine, mate. Just bloody fine. Grand even.” Stuart replied. “You? 8220;Shitting rainbows, mate.”. 8220;Isn’t that just delightful.”. Ben removed his stolen jacket and settled in, probably splaying his toes as he. Does this in those weird-ass shoe-gloves he no doubt has on. “Your demeanour. Down in Stooey Town.”. 8220;I did tha...
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#10 Running Mate – Bar Stool Warts
https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/06/26/running-mate
Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. June 26, 2015. August 3, 2016. Episode 10: Running Mate. Rhys plonked the two pints of Guinness down. 8220;Cheers Rhys. That’ll be all.” Stuart turned away to look at Ben. “Go on then, who is she? Ben lent in to grab his glass. “What Rhys? You’ve known him for years, you tool.”. 8220;Not her, this girl you’ve been running around after.”. Stuart smirked. “That’s called a chase! Stuart lent in and in hushed tones asked. “Eff eff ess? Ben lent in. “Volkswagen thing? 8220;You̵...
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“Next Customer…” (White Jiffy Bag) – Bar Stool Warts
https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/04/10/next-customer-please-white-jiffy-bag
Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. April 10, 2015. August 3, 2016. 8220;Next Customer…” (White Jiffy Bag). White Jiffy Bag: One man’s struggle to persuade another man to end all of existence, while a third man attempts to exploit the situation. Below is my one and only contribution to this bizarre self-gratifying saga. This was written in October 2011 and spell-checked in April 2015.]. Episode Twenty-Two: “Next Customer to your Collection Point, Please.”. Well I just thought…. Now that IS wrong. It was a flippa...
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#7 Drop it Like it’s Hot – Bar Stool Warts
https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/06/05/drop-it-like-its-hot
Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. June 5, 2015. August 3, 2016. 7 Drop it Like it’s Hot. Episode 7: Drop it Like it’s Hot. Stuart plonked his pint of ESB down next to Ben’s and took a seat. “So” Stuart began. “What happened to YOU last night? 8220;What happened to me? What the fuck happened to you? We were waiting for our food, you got yours, and then promptly fucked off.”. Did you get some? 8220;I was just being fucking polite! 8220;Specimens like us, you mean? 8220;Even though you fucked up your order? 8220;...
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#6 Rolling in the Aisles – Bar Stool Warts
https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/05/29/rolling-in-the-aisles
Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. May 29, 2015. August 3, 2016. 6 Rolling in the Aisles. Episode 6: Rolling in the Aisles. Ben arrived and spotted Stuart at the bar just as he was being served. “Two pints of Guinness please, love.” Stuart then turned to Ben. “And what are you having? 8220;Again with that joke? 8220;It’s a classic. It requires very little thought and can be whipped out at a seconds notice.”. Stuart braced himself when he saw Ben smirk. “Like your Mum’s box! Who the hell says ‘box’! Stuart looke...
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#4 Bizarre – Bar Stool Warts
https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/05/15/bizarre
Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. May 15, 2015. August 3, 2016. Stuart plonked the two pints of Guinness down and took his seat. He looked over at Ben who was looking introspective. “What the matter, mate? 8221; Ben straightened himself up momentarily before slumping back down. “It’s just, lately I’ve been feeling like everything’s just bizarre. You know? 8220;That’s probably the constipation. Saturday’s curry should sort that out.”. Why do we even need the concept of money? Is that what you’re saying? Stuart ...
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#2 Boring – Bar Stool Warts
https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/05/01/boring
Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. May 1, 2015. August 3, 2016. As Ben plonked the two pints of Guinness down, Stuart was startled back into the waking world, for he had been conversing with the world’s most boring man for what felt like 17 years. 8220;so after I’ve knocked that wall down into next door, I’ll do the same with that other wall and then the place will be just about big enough…”. 8220;because what is Chesham missing? A nightclub. Exactly. So what I propose is”. 8220;Who even is this guy? Stuart sig...
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#1 Turn the Page – Bar Stool Warts
https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/04/24/turn-the-page
Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. April 24, 2015. August 3, 2016. 1 Turn the Page. Episode 1: Turn the Page. Stuart plonked the two pints of Guinness down and took his seat. Ben put his phone back on the table and apropos of nothing exclaimed, “I think I’ve got a children’s book in me.”. 8221; said Stuart. “How did that happen? 8220;No, not like that.” Ben explained. “I mean I reckon I could write one.”. 8220;What, those hypnotherapy self-help books? UPDATE: It was about a penguin.]. 8221; Enquired Ben. 8220;I...
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